| the minute i heard my first love story
i started looking for you,
not knowing
how blind that was.
lovers don’t finally meet somewhere.
they’re in each other all along.
rumi |
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| the moon is full
and
the air is filled with tiny particles of peace.
it spreads over the still darkness.
it fills the pure dance of forest
that surrounds my mind.
the filters of the world flood away and i am left with
this moon. and all the wisdom of nature.
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| Today is a cold day. The wind is whipping the first fall leaves in the air and the earth is yawning in gradual slumber. The tenacity of winter and the slow migration of fall is almost here. I keep stepping outside to smell the darker days and to catch glimpes of the late summer still floating in the air. soon a distilling quiet and an inner warmth will be left.
This morning I decided to bake all the bread we'll need for the week. I picked up ''The SoNo Baking-Company Cookbook'' by John Barricelli from the library a while back and found a delicious looking Rustic Italian Bread for quick lunches.
Last night we looked for Web Designing Wizards to help us whip up a site for Green Owl Gray Toad. I'm exicted for the possibilities, and for being so close to watching our ideas and creations unfold online, to all.
I was so exicted in fact, I started making sketches for a logo. It's an ocean front with long curling waves and an owl floating over it with cliffs to the left with some leafy trees and a toad sitting amongst them, to the right. He's cute. I also started making sketches of new jewelry and odd treasures to start on soon but I slowly started to fall asleep. It'll find me again, but right now I'm going to step outside and breathe in the day again.
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| i had vivid dreams this morning that kept pulling me back into them. it was damp and rainy, but somehow the rain was like snow. i wore a red cloak. bright colors lit certain things up, backed by black and white. there was a huge fushia spider in the closet of a woman i thought i knew, but i didn't. it was climbing over items, swollen with eggs. i would fall out of high windows and fly over trees blooming. i thought i was in maine. but i would land in situations of my life that i have already lived. school. work. random situations i've encountered. life. am i suppose to relive it? are these things somehow unfinished? i woke up and thought i was still in one of them.
i feel a bit groggy. melancholy. the residue of everyone's feelings on me, and i can't shake off the tunnel vision. these dreams have hurt me somehow. they remind me of something, of someone i have neglected. maybe it was myself. maybe i was just never a good enough friend.
life, and what it was comprised of, to me, is somehow less than what it was before. everything has changed and i do not want to be an adult. i want to be either really old or really young. i feel i cannot say what and who i am anymore to the people i once thought knew me. and to myself.
i should allow myself to be still and mend.
but in the process i question it all. |
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| your words are hesitant.
they crumble downwards
at the moments that count.
at the moments
where i wish we would connect
again
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